


Sorrow

by panda_shi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4812395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panda_shi/pseuds/panda_shi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, people become friends in the most unlikely circumstances. And sometimes, you fall in love in the most unlikely circumstances. Losing a friend and a lover is not something Iruka would wish upon anyone, but they had promised each other that one of them has to keep living for the dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Iruka knows he is dreaming.

It is a rainy afternoon when Iruka is left in the middle of the street with an umbrella in one hand while he waves at a sunnily smiling Naruto. It is the late spring shower season, the smell of wet earth and grass thinking the air as humidity compresses and clings to skin, sticky as Konoha prepares herself for the heat wave of the approaching summer. Iruka has just finished having a quick ramen lunch with Naruto, who has just returned to Konoha's main town after being away for training for a few days. 

Naruto is meeting Sakura for a new training regime. With both Iruka's shifts and Naruto's vigorous training schedule, it is rare that Iruka gets to spend time with the boy, if at all. So it's been a treat to run into Naruto at Ichiraku, to sit and catchup and listen to stories about his new team. 

When Naruto disappears down the street, Iruka turns to head down the street and when he crosses a junction, he runs into Yamato, who happens to be heading in the same direction as Iruka. Iruka looks surprised and immediately holds his umbrella over Tenzou's head. Iruka tells him it's no trouble when Tenzou tells him he's fine. Iruka counters instead with a, _it's okay Yamato-taichou, I'm heading towards Tea Avenue. If you're free, please, join me for tea over at Saki's!_

They have tea for the first time since Iruka hears of Yamato.

They spend the afternoon talking about Naruto and his antics and Iruka mentions how some of Naruto's behavior with Tenzou resonates with how Naruto had been in the Academy. 

They end up having a fantastic conversation and when they step out of Saki's, the rain has stopped. Tenzou is smiling at him, pleasant and polite, teeth peeking form under thin lips. Iruka feels that Tenzou is amused about something and he's not sure what it is. It is enough to make his cheeks color a bit in embarrassment.

"Thank you for tea sensei."

Iruka opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling then, just as the image of Tenzou's smile fades from behind his eyelids and his words are but a whisper in his ear.

He gets out of bed at three AM that day and heads into the kitchen of the cozy rooftop apartment that now belongs to _only_ Iruka. He digs out his tea leaves from the cabinet, reaches for the peppermint teabag and waits for the tea to steep.

Iruka doesn't drink it, falling asleep at the kitchen table while staring at a photograph that's attached to the fridge door - they are both laughing here, a candid shot taken at Tenzou's last birthday, half of Naruto's face not in the photo because of the camera angle - waking up with a headache the next day and a cold cup of hibiscus tea.

He still drinks the tea.

Iruka can't make himself to throw away what had been Tenzou's favorite tea.

\-- 

The mission room is slow as it always is during the last few hours of the graveyard shift. Iruka sees off the last of his coworker, waving and walking him out; he takes a detour towards the small attached pantry of the mission office, pulling out an empty tea-cup and teabag. Iruka yawns as he stands by the doorway, waiting for the water boil, just in case someone walks in. Iruka knows no one will at this time and that it is pointless to stand by the door waiting, but he does it anyway.

He is tired. He can feel it in his bones the one whole week of no sleep at all finally catching up to him. Iruka feels the strain between his eyes, radiating all the way to the back of his head and spreading down the length of his spine. There is a slight numbness in his limbs from all the stiff and worn muscles, a result of lack of proper meals, proper sleep and too much physical training. The stress of the Academy finals doesn't help and yet Iruka volunteers to take the graveyard shifts, because sleeping means dreaming, and dreaming means seeing _him_ when Iruka knows he's _gone_. He _is not coming back_.

Iruka knows this. He had been there in the small funeral ceremony, with a handful of people and the Hokage. It had been early spring, just when the last of the cold is seeping away with the changing weather, the spring shower a little chilly still; Iruka had stood there with his umbrella and funeral blacks, along with a few of ANBU who had been Tenzou's teammates (current and former), team seven, and the other rookies and Kakashi, Gai, Genma, Raidou and a few other jounins that Iruka knows by face only. He had watched them bury the ashes, watched the carvesman etch Tenzou's name on Konoha's cenotaph and watched as everyone left one by one, including himself.

Of course he's not coming back.

Iruka had been there too, when the Hokage herself had sent for him. He had been in the middle of a lecture about chakra points, telling the kids to jot down notes when he had felt the presence of an ANBU - Lizard, according to the mask - standing in the corner of the room. The children did not notice the presence and simply kept writing down, even as Iruka pauses and listens to Lizard tell him that he is needed in the hospital, Hokage-sama is waiting. Iruka goes with Lizard, of course, and when he sees the solemn look on Tsunade's face, it hits him.

Tenzou is back.

But it doesn't register what kind of condition Tenzou might have been in until Tsunade wordlessly leads him into the operating theater -- clean and pristine, as if she hadn't just been turning it upside down trying to save a man's life -- and on the steel table, with a sheet covering a clean body is Tenzou, motionless, no wires attached.

Cold.

Iruka closes his eyes briefly and _remembers_ that day as if it were only yesterday.

"I tried." Tsunade said, and Iruka nods, understanding. 

He half listens to the extent of damage Tenzou's body had endured, having being captured with his teammates, breaking free and somehow managing to complete their infiltration and sabotage mission at the same time. The journey back is what killed Tenzou, Tsunade said, along with a chemical agent his captors must have used. Tenzou had used his remaining reserves to help save _his team_ while paying no attention to himself -- a selfless and heroic act. Iruka says nothing and merely nods when Tsunade informs him that Tenzou has to be cremated -- Iruka understands, of course and tells Tsunade that he will be there when they cremate him.

On the tenth of March with the cool spring showers drizzling over Konoha, Tenzou had been cremated.

Iruka remembers every detail of that day. How they rolled Tenzou out and lifted him carefully over the steel slab, how he was slowly fed into the the sealed room and Iruka had stood there, goodbye refusing to form at the tip of his tongue even after the flames consumed Tenzou's body and his ashes were gathered into a small porcelain pot. The funeral took place that afternoon, exactly twenty four hours after Tenzou stopped breathing in the operating theater.

Iruka remembers standing under the umbrella, long after everyone else has left save for one other person.

"Sensei…" Kakashi says, standing beside him.

"Kakashi-san." Iruka greets back, eyes still on the gravestone, a small mark amongst the thousands others buried in the land, lines and lines of ashes under the earth.

"Before he died…" Kakashi begins but pauses.

Iruka doesn't look at him and instead chooses to speak while staring at the gravestone. "Hokage-sama told me that you helped bring the team into the hospital. You were returning from a mission too, when you saw them at the gates, yes?"

"Yes.”

Iruka says nothing else, doesn't look up even when he hears Kakashi shift and the sound of clinking metal reaches his ears.

"He asked me to give this to you." Kakashi digs out a pair of dog tags attached to a neck-chain. Between it is a small key.

Iruka takes it wordlessly and stares at the key. "This isn't the key to his apartment."

Kakashi remains quiet.

"He knew…" Iruka doesn't continue. Tenzou knew back then, when he must have ripped the chain off his neck and pushed it into Kakashi's hands that he wasn't going to make it.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Kakashi says, softly; Iruka does not know if Kakashi is one of the people who suspected his relationship with Tenzou. Iruka figures with the funeral and all, it must have been glaringly obvious to any _idiot_.

Iruka huffs a bit of a chuckle, but doesn't cry. Doesn't mourn yet. He tucks the chain into his utility pouch. He also doesn't answer Kakashi's question. "Don't be sorry. This is a good death for him. This is how he would have wanted to go. Serving his village to his last breath."

"Sensei…"

Iruka turns then, away from the gravestone and starts walking down the path. "Good day, Kakashi-san. Thank you."

He doesn't look back, even when he feels Kakashi's prickling gaze between his shoulder blades. He doesn't look back too, when he tucks the key and dog tags into a little box in his closet. 

Iruka closes his eyes.

And opens them again when he hears someone approaching the mission room for a report. He rubs the signs of snoozing out of his face, slapping his cheeks twice with his palms before strapping on a smile and greeting the team that walks in.

Tomorrow, he'll take the graveyard shift too. 

Iruka doesn't want to _sleep_.

\-- 

Sometimes, while Iruka is in the middle of grading papers, he daydreams. He remembers how they had started off at first.

They become friends when they run into each other at the video rental store on a Friday night a little after Tenzou was assigned to team seven, years ago, both of them in the drama section; Iruka looking for a specific classic, Tenzou looking for the latest season of a popular mainstream drama. Iruka raises an eyebrow at the title and finds himself at the receiving end of a blank stare.

"I don't know if I like it as much as I like the older version of that storyline." Iruka says, hoping that he hasn't offended Naruto's new team captain. The heat is high upon Iruka's cheeks. "It's a little overtop and some of the female characters are little _too thin_? It's a little unrealistic. Also, I don't appreciate how they glorify the concept of cheating, divorce and portray women as overly dependent on the rather abusive male characters. But I do believe that Hiroshi's character has come a long way compared to his previous series -- _Moonlight_ , was it? Ah, and I think the new character -- Aya? I don't think she'll survive her cancer treatment, and I know for sure that the one who stole her diamond ring, is her secretary."

"I don't really like that secretary much." Tenzou's nose wrinkles and there are lines of amusement tugging at his facial features. "But you're right, Hiroshi is doing better here. More aloof characters suit him better. I try not to pay too much attention to the controversy surrounding the series but, hmm." Tenzou rubs the back of his head, "I think Aya is rather pretty."

"Isn't she~?" Iruka chuckles. "Long hair suits her best!"

"The girl can sing! Have you seen her in the _Rolling Star_ music video?"

"Wait! She was in Rolling Star's video?"

" _Yes!_ She played the role of the angel in the storyline!"

"I didn't know! That was her? She looked so different!"

"Didn't she? I didn't recognise her either!"

Everything about picking videos had been forgotten and they start taking apart the drama, start talking endlessly about other TV shows and the classics. And soon, it devolves into a movie date.

Then somehow they end up going to a concert together.

Then it moves to season marathons.

They drink together, they eat together, they exchange recipes and they get drunk together. They do Karaoke whenever a free friday happens to pop by, belching over beer and too much potato chips and waking up passed out on Tenzou's apartment floor or Iruka's living room carpet. Sometimes, they even end up running together if they're lucky or going on a cleansing diet together after feasts and large celebrations like birthdays, if they happen to attend it at the same time. They talk trash at each other, get graphic sometimes when it comes to speaking about sexual topics and once - Iruka can never forget the amount of laughing when this had happen a good year ago - Tenzou had been trying to pick someone up from the bar for the night and Iruka had been subjected to watching not one, or two, but _three_ people turn the poor man down due to his horrible pick-up lines. Iruka lost count how many times he had choked on the drink and doesn't stop laughing when he falls off his stool, drunk as well and Tenzou huffs and tells him to go screw himself before leaving him behind. Iruka had laughed and _laughed_ so much that the next morning, it takes copious amount of teasing and bribing Tenzou with soba for lunch just so that the man can stop looking at him like Iruka is some horrible villain. 

There were nights too, when Tenzou scores and when that happened, Iruka elbows different color and flavors of lubes or condoms and grins toothily when Tenzou flushes and bonks him at the back of his head with a fist. When Tenzou's partner for the night isn't looking, Tenzou would hiss, "Was that necessary? I _have them at home!_ "

"Oh I don't know Yamato-san~," Iruka says, dimples dotting his cheeks and trying not to grin _too much_. "In your excitement of scoring, you might just _forget_."

To anyone watching, they are just two _really_ good friends.

It had reached a point when Iruka's friends would elbow him and ask him if he is with that guy he was with the other night at the bar. Or the restaurant. Or the movies. Nobody really sees Tenzou in the mission room unless he's with team seven and Iruka only knew him as Yamato at first. He doesn't report to the mission room like the other regulars and Iruka isn't stupid to question that; Tenzou reported to someone else directly and Iruka didn't bother asking about it. He tells his friends and coworkers that 'Yamato-san is a very good friend of his'.

And indeed, nothing had been further from the truth -- when Iruka is with Tenzou, he feels young and the sting of losing his best friend all but vanishes. It feels like having a brother, family, and without Iruka realizing, he starts to love a man with a name that is as real as the porcelain mask he wears most of the time. 

It actually happens rather stupidly, too. 

Roughly about the second year Iruka and Tenzou had been friends, Iruka spends his birthday short of not one person he loves short, but two: Naruto _and_ Tenzou. Both had been gone from the village on separate missions. It isn't until a good week after his birthday, in the middle of the school week that Iruka wakes up by an insistent knock on his front door to find Tenzou, standing there looking pale and tired, dressed in the regular jounin blacks, without the forehead protector and vest, holding a box in one hand and sake jar by the neck in the other. 

"Yamato-san!" Iruka quickly tugs the man into the apartment, takes the box and jar from him and uses his chest to catch Tenzou when the man suddenly keels over.

Iruka knows they both look rather stupid, with Tenzou mumbling apologies in his ear and trying to hold himself up with the aid of the hallway wall, Iruka holding one jar in one hand and a box in the other, sternum trying to keep Tenzou's chin and head up, leg struggling to keep Tenzou upright like some sort of circus performer. It takes a while but he manages to get Tenzou on his couch while he puts the box that contains a horrible looking cake, dilapidated with the center sort of sinking -- saying that it looked like shit would be a _praise_. A poke and a finger lick later, Iruka discovers that it's chocolate, peanut butter and cherry jam. It's a little firm, which tastes more like a brownie than a cake. Iruka slices it up anyway, serves two and puts the sake, cake and chips in a tray, only to come out to find Tenzou lying on his back on the couch, head to one side and passed out. From the collar of his shirt, Iruka can see bandages peeking out and knows then that Tenzou must have returned that evening or that afternoon. 

He's been gone for a month.

Iruka doesn't ask questions.

Instead, he is heading for the linen closet and pulling out a spare blanket and pillow, and quietly calling 'Yamato's' name out loud, to give the man warning that he is about to touch him and come close (once, Iruka nearly had his wrist or arm broken from Tenzou's ingrained reflexes and since then, he makes sure to call his name out first before standing too close).

"That's not my name." Tenzou whispers, but doesn't move.

Iruka does though, gently covering him with a blanket and then lifting his head a bit to slide a pillow under it.

"Oh?" Iruka says, tugging the blanket high up and under Tenzou's chin.

"Tenzou." Tenzou says, eyes opening in small slits to look at Iruka tiredly, lips curving up slightly in lieu of a smile. “It’s Tenzou.”

That is the first time that Iruka's heart skips a beat. "It's nice to finally meet the real you, Tenzou."

Tenzou's eyes close then. "I'm sorry I'm a week late. I promised you a birthday cake, too."

"Go to sleep, Tenzou. We'll talk in the morning." Iruka says softly, and for the first time, he runs his fingers through Tenzou's soft hair, like a lover as opposed to a rascal sibling and friend where they'd both tug at each other's hair when trying to grab the last treat from the plate or to stop the other from doing something stupid like a bunch of pups.

"Happy birthday, Iruka."

Iruka spends the night watching Tenzou sleep and he knew, helplessly and weakly, that he had fallen in love by accident.

Iruka leaves Tenzou to sleep on the couch the next morning and comes home that afternoon to Tenzou _still_ asleep, a little flushed and warm to the touch. Iruka remembers exactly the time it happens, when things just opens up to a new path. Iruka is kneeling by Tenzou's side, brushing his hair off his forehead and watching dark eyes flutter open and look at him.

"You're sick." Iruka points out.

"Snow country does that to you, yes." Tenzou agrees.

"You might give me something, you know?"

"You will have no one to blame but yourself."

Tenzou can be such a tarty smart mouth sometimes, even when sick.

"I want to kiss you." Iruka says, and flushes.

"Then kiss me."

"But you might give me something!"

"Wuss. Chicken. _Coward_."

Iruka crushes their mouths together then, a grin under the kiss obvious because even in this, the brush of their tongues and warmth of their breaths between them, with Tenzou's hands grabbing him by the ass and hauling him off the floor so Iruka is straddling him on the couch, elbows on the sides of Tenzou's head, fingers in short hair and teeth nibbling on the tier's of his friend's lips, this man who he is kissing like a _lover,_ still feels like his friend. And maybe that's why Iruka loves him even more, because it's not just about how Tenzou kisses, or how calloused hand feels on his cock, how Tenzou breathes against his neck when he's got his cock so deep inside of Iruka that Iruka forgets there's anything else beyond the two of them. It's about their bond, about how there are almost no boundaries in their honesty, their jibes, their laughter and jokes, the warmth and the _love_ that has always been there but has morphed to something _deeper_ , something _more_.

Completely by accident because when Iruka looks at Tenzou, he can see how Tenzou looks at him, marveling and wondering, sometimes confused and then they'd both just laugh and kiss some more. Even the next day, they jibe and poke each other, both sick, curled under the blankets of Iruka's bed that all the wiggling and poking and bickering results in the bed breaking and them moving the mattress while sneezing and coughing and camping out in the living room.

There's a saying that friends who end up falling for each other -- even the best of friends, if the bond reaches that far -- have a bigger chance of knowing what _forever_ means.

Iruka opens his eyes from the memories that keeps flooding him and looks out at the starless night; he thinks the saying is utter bullshit.

He certainly didn't get a chance at forever.

\-- 

Every Tuesday since the funeral, Iruka sits at the bar with a bottle and a shot glass. Tenzou passed away on a Tuesday morning, at nine-fifteen AM, after hours of gruelling surgery that had been useless to begin with. So every tuesday, Iruka _drinks_ in silence, staring at a pair of dog tags in his hand along with a key that completely remains a mystery to him. 

ANBU members have a separate system all together, particularly for those who have no family to return their personal belongings to. Iruka's name had been in Tenzou's file and Iruka had received forms saying that he has full right to Tenzou's apartment and its contents. They had a conversation once, about a year ago before the war exploded that if something happens to any of them, where would their belongings go to. They both agreed that most if not all their belongings would go to donation towards the less fortunate. Iruka had known by then what mask Tenzou wore when he puts on the leather and the white armor.

"I'd leave my mask to you." Tenzou says, an arm around Iruka's bare shoulders as they lay in bed, sweat drying on their skin.

Iruka had kept the mask, in a small box in his closet. It's the only thing that belonged to Tenzou that he kept. Everything else, he had packed away and distributed to the several homes and orphanages all around Konoha.

The mask and the key.

"That's a lot to drink, Iruka-sensei." 

Iruka turns to look, sees Kakashi slide into the seat beside him at the bar and huffs a laugh as he pours himself another shot glass and knocks it back, the burn nothing but a hot numbness now. "This isn't so much. You should see me at parties."

"Hmm, on a school night too." Kakashi reaches for the bottle and Iruka's shot glass, pulling it away from Iruka’s reach. The frown doesn’t stop Kakashi from keeping it away either. 

“I’m serious, Kakashi-san, just because you are going to be the Hokage soon, doesn’t mean you can keep a mourning man from his alcohol. Now give that back, I have to be home in a decent hour and I want my fill of alcohol.” Iruka admonishes, wiggling his fingers and reaching for the bottle.

“I am fascinated by your ability to sound so dedicated to your profession and yet not.” Kakashi does not sound serious when he says the words and ends up pouring Iruka drink, and one for himself.

“It’s Tuesday.” Iruka smiles, dimples dotting his cheeks. “I only drink on tuesdays. Maybe in parties too, but tuesday is my drinking day.” 

Iruka knows Kakashi can figure it out and sure enough a glance at his sudden drinking companion tells him that Kakashi knows, and that is probably why he decides to stay and mooch off of Iruka’s bottle. Something that Iruka had worked hard to pay for. It is a fancy brand after all, and Iruka remembers Tenzou whining when he’s drunk and half lying, half sitting on Iruka’s living room carpet, at how Kakashi-senpai is always making him pay for stuff. The memory suddenly has Iruka snorting into his drink and laughing to the point of tears.

Kakashi looks confused and Iruka pacifies the confusion by lifting hand, only speaking once the laughter dies out.

“I see what you’re doing there Kakashi-san. But I am not as generous as my lover.” Iruka knows that had he not consumed half a bottle of alcohol, he would not be speaking the way he is now. “I don’t make as much he did. So, unless you’re planning to buy and share next week, tough shit, go get your own booze. This one is mine.”

The bottle slides across the counter, where Iruka keeps it beside him, as if to emphasise his point and gives Kakashi a cheeky and flushed look.

Kakashi actually chuckles. “Don’t worry Iruka-sensei. I’ll buy you your alcohol next week.”

“Promises, promises~” Iruka sing-songs and pours himself another shot that he downs without even tasting. 

“You should probably stop, though.”

“You know, I never figured out what that key is for?” Iruka says instead, taking another shot. “You’re probably right, it’s already eleven anyway, I should go home and put my misery to bed. You want some advice? Don’t fall in love. Or better yet, don’t fall in love with a friend. That is a worst! Believe me it’ll save you a whole lot of trouble because that shit, that shit is expensive as fuck.” Iruka waves several wads of ryos that he has pulled out from his wallet, as if to emphasise his point. 

Kakashi says nothing, simply looks at Iruka with a quiet expression.

“Better yet, actually. Don’t fall in love. Just don’t.” Iruka’s shrug is punctuated with an extremely cheerful smile that chips at the corners to belly something cynical. “Good night, Kakashi-san.”

“I’ll walk you home.”

“So that you can watch me try not to cut out my heart some more? No, no, please. I’m all right, I promise. I’ve been doing this every week for a long while now, believe me, I can take care of myself.”

Iruka doesn’t wait to see if Kakashi follows him or not. He takes his usual route where he walks two blocks, crosses a small junction and then climbs all three floors to his apartment. Once inside, another routine begins where Iruka takes his clothes of, folds it into the laundry basket, takes a shower that isn’t really a shower but more of a douse of warm water to help him sleep. He drinks a glass of water, pops an aspirin, puts on his clothes and curls up on the side of the bed that Tenzou had favoured whenever he had spent the night or nights in Iruka’s apartment. Tenzou is almost always gone from the village so he had some of his things lying around Iruka’s apartment. Those were things Iruka couldn’t make himself throw away. Tenzou’s pillow is one of those things.

Iruka presses his cheek against it, inhales deeply and closes his eyes.

\--

And opens them to a beach front. He is sitting with his feet buried in the sand, hands behind him, the sun kissing his bare chest and cheeks, as he closes his eyes and basks in the ocean breeze. Tenzou sits besides him, in the same position, staring at the crashing waves, their knees brushing against the other. On the sand, a crab walks, trying to swim up the waters and getting swept into shore by the force of the tide. It's one of those rare moments where during the summer, Tenzou's free time coincides with Iruka's summer break from the academy. 

They spend it in the beach when one day, while reading the paper, they both find themselves staring at the advertisement of a beach resort.

It had only taken one look and a question of, you wanna? and an answer of, yes please!

Now here they sit, drying from their swim, all alone in a secluded beach.

"If I proposed to you, what would you do?" Tenzou asks, a grin splitting his face and nudging Iruka's shoulder in an almost friendly and teasing gesture.

"Well that depends!" Iruka answers, just as cheekily.

"On?"

"If you're on your knees or not! I hear this is how they do things, marriage and all."

"Oh yeah? I also hear that the man of the relationship is responsible for the dowry." 

Iruka laughs then and shoves Tenzou a bit. "Where the hell did you hear that from? _Ai no Kissu?"_

Tenzou's face scrunches a bit, and Iruka reaches over and pinches his wrinkling nose. Tenzou always makes a silly face whenever Iruka starts to pick on his favorite drama series.

"No. I read it in a book once. It's an old tradition in Wind. When two people fall in love, the man is supposed to not only propose to the bride, but he must go to the bride's father to ask for her hand. And upon agreement, the groom must present a dowry to prove that he is able to give his bride a good home when he takes her away from her family. It'll usually consist of a home, the furniture, some land maybe. And on their wedding night, when they exchange their rings and make their relationship public to the masses, they spend their first night in their new home."

Iruka looks at Tenzou then, watching the movement of his lips and how he looks at the setting sun cutting across the ocean. Iruka pokes his cheek then and Tenzou turns to look at him, something soft in his eyes and the smile still on his lips.

"And then they have kids and raise a dozen. They will have a pet cat, and a little garden. They'll grow old watching their kids go to school and later, when they lose their real knees, they'll attempt to chase their grandchildren."

Iruka laughs warmly at that, because he sees the sincerity in Tenzou's words, at the lines on his face that betrays age and experience that no one else his age would have -- ANBU does that to you, ages you quicker than most. 

Iruka asks one thing.

"And if one of them dies?"

"Then the other has to keep living for the dead."

Iruka kisses Tenzou then, pressing their foreheads together as Tenzou's fingers traces the line of his jaw. They spend time like that until Tenzou has Iruka lying on his back in the sand, smoothing soft brown hair off his face. Tenzou looked at him the way a devoted man would and Iruka wonders if Tenzou, perfectly distant, controlled, and measured Tenzou, knew how his face looked whenever he looked at Iruka. If Tenzou understood how vulnerable and _young_ he looks when he looks at Iruka the way he does, when he pulls away after a kiss or when he presses a rough hand against Iruka’s cheek.

“So what would you do, if I proposed to you?”

Iruka’s smile is just as equally devoted, closing his eyes when he pulls Tenzou forward again to press his lips against his and murmur his answer.

“I would say yes.”

TBC

 


	2. Chapter 2

Iruka is sifting through his mail box when last puzzle finally falls into place. Iruka receives several utility bills that does not belong to him and upon closer examination, he finds it addressed to Yamato and several return stamps marked all over the envelopes. The utility bills does not belong to the apartment Tenzou had previously occupied, because nine months after his passing, Iruka thinks that there shouldn’t be any bills coming. The contract for that apartment, after all, has been terminated a while back; they even got the address all wrong too. Nine months is ample and quite a generous amount of time for records to be straightened and updated and ANBU, if anything, is  _thorough_ .

So it is with slight irritation that Iruka finds himself queuing at the customer’s service desk to inquire about the wrong bill and to check incase the office got the address wrong and that it is indeed a clerical error. If it had been an old place Tenzou had previously occupied, Iruka would rather get it all sorted now and confirm with the proper channels that Yamato is indeed dead and that he’s here to settle all bills once for all. The bill isn’t even that large to begin with, mere pocket change in Iruka’s opinion. Tenzou’s bills were almost never that high because Tenzou, at the time, has never been around the village long enough to make an impact. It comes as a great surprise when the clerk at the desk confirms that the records are right, that the foreign address is indeed under ownership to a “Yamato” and that Umino Iruka’s address is listed as a secondary contact.

Iruka pays the bill and leaves with a lot of confusion and even more irritation. He is sure it must have simply been an error or someone is playing a cruel joke on him right now. Iruka did not want the matter to fester and is not surprised at how he wants to dress someone down, to vent his frustration at someone or something. Without much of a second thought, he finds himself marching straight for the address, stern faced, blood boiling in his veins and flush dusting over his cheeks. His surprise is visible when he sees that the address belongs to one of the newly erected apartment complexes, with a view of the Academy, the Administration building and Hokage’s office. It is seven floors high and from where Iruka is standing, when he cranes his neck up to see the roof, hands shielding his gaze from the summer sun, he can see greenery.

No time is wasted as Iruka climbs the stairs, fist tight and ready to give the tenant living up there a sermon about using dead people’s names and not setting their contacts and records straight. Iruka knows of no one who lives in such an apartment, in such a good location that it is almost strategic, with easy access to all important buildings and offices in Konoha. Everyone Iruka knows either lives in one of the older residential units, the ones that did survive the war, or a town house somewhere towards the suburbs of Konoha, away from the noise and bustle.

There is no answer at the door.

There is no presence beyond the door.

Iruka is forced to go up to the roof and land in the foliage of a garden, all set up with a self irrigation system that is almost too thorough. The entire roof space is a small garden haven, with a wooden gazebo occupying one side, that if one sat and reclined on the bench, they had a full view of the Hokage mountain, wisteria hanging from the roof structure. On one of the side beams of the gazebo, climbing hydrangea thrives in growth. Iruka recognizes some of the plants growing, and most of the herbs. The one that thrives the most is the large row of lavender, fragrant and a pop of vibrant purple amongst the spread of green. The garden looks a little too wild and a little too free, like it hasn’t seen a proper maintenance in a while.

The gazebo benches is also thick with dust, almost white as opposed to the rich dark wood.

And something dawns on Iruka then, when he takes a closer look at the gazebo and studies the shape and carving, palm pressing on the flat wooden surface as he closes his eyes and remembers.

—

“You’re really, really into architecture, aren’t you?” Iruka says, studying several of the books that lines Tenzou’s book shelf, all references and DIY-designs for gardens, structure and architectural aesthetics. Iruka knows of Tenzou’s hobbies, it’s one of the few things he first noticed when he and Tenzou had become friends. But there is a new stack of gardening books piled quite high by the floor. As if Tenzou had needed any more.

“I am aware of the irony. You and many others have reminded me many times, remember?” Tenzou replies from where he is sitting on the floor, taking a sip of his sake and craning his head back against the couch to look at his books. They had just finished dinner, empty plates and bowls still spread out on the center table. They had dinner while watching a new episode of  _Hoshi_ .

“Is that why they’ve been using you a lot to rebuild a lot of the structures lately? It’s public knowledge, isn’t it? Your love for architecture.” Iruka says, remembering how Tenzou had returned exhausted the other day, depleted and absolutely drained. That had been the day two blocks of Konoha had gone up within hours. If anything, it had almost been comical, how the structures had popped up like mushrooms from the ground.

“Well, if I can be of use…”

The drinks continued and when they start to snicker and Iruka is feeling a little clumsy with how he’s pouring the sake, he asks, without control, “Why ANBU, Tenzou?”

There is a pause and when Iruka turns to look at Tenzou, he is staring at his cup and swirling the contents.

“I had nothing to hold me back and while the missions were very difficult, it didn’t really seem to matter then. I had no family or anything, really. It was just me and my team.” Tenzou drains the rest of his cup in one go and pours himself another. “Kakashi-senpai may have been another reason why I stayed. It was him who got me out of Root and into Sandaime’s command. I served under him and he — he was tough to deal with. He’d change our strategies outta nowhere and while it worked out for the best of course, I still thought and think that it’s dangerous. That Kakashi-senpai… “

Iruka watches as Tenzou starts to derail into his drunken spiel. Tenzou is a terrible drunk. Absolutely terrible. But it never ceases to make Iruka laugh and just like always, Tenzou dissolves into his rant about how tough it had been at the time when he had taken part in Naruto’s training. How Kakashi had dumped all the work on him, how he had to sleep in a sealed and blocked out mokuton cocoon during those days because Naruto is a terrible and violent sleeper. It is practically a loop and because Iruka is tipsy too, it is easier for him to laugh at the complaints and whines that one would never imagine Tenzou to be capable of. Because Tenzou is always straight faced, is always focused, is always polite and proper to a point. Tenzou is about as neutral and zen as the plants and greenery he is able to sprout from the tips of his fingers.

“Someone really likes being around his senpai~” Iruka teases, and bursts out laughing when Tenzou looks at him and whines his name out. “If I didn’t know better, I would think Tenzou-kun really likes senpai~”

“It’s hard not to.” Tenzou says, with a bit of an impudent pout-frown that gradually just dissolves to a frown. “Kakashi-senpai has… had, or has, well, he has everything that I want to be a part of.” Iruka falls quiet at that. “He’s strong, he’s smart, he works hard, he’s a quick learner, brilliant commander. He has teammates, he had a good teacher who by extension also had a good wife, he had or has Team Seven.” Tenzou gave a bit of a shrug, lips twisting just a little bit. “Kakashi knew his father. However brief that may have been at the time. To me, Kakashi-senpai seemed to have had everything. To me, back then and even now too, though not as much anymore, but back then, I wanted what Senpai had.” Tenzou snorted then, and rolls his eyes. “I blame it on stunted mental growth. It was hard to know any better when you have spent most of your life in a laboratory, or under Danzou’s care. I had nothing, senpai at least, had something. He was my second friend after this — this girl who I haven’t seen or heard of in years. I was just that newly transferred skinny little girly looking kid that Kakashi-senpai had taken under his command. And I’m grateful to him because of that. I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for him.”

This is the Tenzou that most of the world knows, the quiet, controlled, measured and factual Tenzou.

Iruka himself falls quiet and simply reaches to pour them both more sake. “You can still have things for yourself too, Tenzou. You don’t always have to be behind a white mask.”

“I know that now.” Tenzou says, with a bit of a smile on his face. “Don’t get me wrong, I am more comfortable with ANBU. I prefer ANBU if only because it’s what I’ve always been. Yamato is just a byproduct of that, someone who was needed at a time that was crucial. Now, after the war, I realize that Yamato has become a part of… well, what I see as something that belongs to Kakashi-senpai. It’s not mine. I’m just a part of it.” Tenzou turns to look at Iruka then, “You can probably put two and two together, Iruka-sensei~ But in ANBU they don’t really encourage you to want a lot of things.”

Iruka thinks Tenzou is wording a darker matter in a very incandescent way. It’s almost quite fascinating, as if Tenzou is simply talking about the weather when to him, it probably is the norm. To be a shadow or a means to fill the gaps when necessary. Tenzou reaches up and pats Iruka’s cheek twice.

“If you are worried about my affections for you, you shouldn’t. I’m aware of my options now.” Tenzou sets his cup down and chuckles, getting to his feet a touch shakily, but fluid enough to demonstrate just how much control he still has, something the belies decades of training and skill, “And no, I do not have a crush on senpai. Maybe when I had hit puberty back then I probably had some sort of fleeting fancy, sure. But no. None of that matters.”

Iruka feels himself flush and clears his throat and swallows down the embarrassment he feels with two straight cups of sake.

“I’m just saying, Tenzou, you can really have things for yourself.”

Tenzou joins Iruka on the floor again, one of the reference books from the pile in hand where he flips it open and points to a structure of a gazebo, drawing Iruka’s attention to it. Iruka is confused when he looks at it, is puzzled when Tenzou tilts his chin up and looks at him with a small and quiet smile that robs Iruka of his breath. Iruka has to wonder if he is that wasted that he is thinking that the smile looks a little too much like devotion.

“I know. I’m working on it.”

—

Iruka yanks his hand off the surface of the gazebo, like he’s been burnt and quickly slaps a hand to his mouth. It hits him like tidal wave then and Iruka takes out the key he keeps with him at all times and heads back to the apartment corridor where he inserts the key into the apartment door and feels a huff of grief stricken laughter leave his throat when the lock turns.

And opens up to a simple apartment, semi-furnished with just the basic furniture in place, mostly the ones that are made of wood. It is dusty from not being used and Iruka moves to open a window to let some air in before he turns his attention to the dining table where sheets and sheets of floor plans and designs and sketches are spread over it. He recognizes some of the reference books stacked to one side, some of them lying face down and open. There is an empty cup of instant ramen and a disposable cup of tea that is stained red that Iruka knows had contained Tenzou’s favorite hibiscus tea leaves, both lain forgotten there for months, it would seem. Iruka recognizes Tenzou’s handwriting on the plans, on the sticky notes that he has littered in places that only Tenzou himself would have understood the importance of its contents and placement.

There is a note however, that is taped on the wall by the mess on the dining table, in red marker with a date that has long since passed. Iruka turned twenty nine months ago. And that just tears a laugh out of him because Tenzou had always joked and always teased him with marriage proposals, but not really proposing. When Tenzou had gotten drunk at any time after that trip of theirs to beach where he had brought it up the first time, it had always resulted in a playful teasing and flirtatious banter. I’m gonna propose to you on your birthday, that way, I can save money on expenses like anniversary and birthdays and you will never forget, Tenzou had slurred one day. And then there had been a time, just after new years when Tenzou had looked down at Iruka so seriously, while buried so deep in Iruka’s body and said, I’m going to marry you, on your birthday.

Iruka hadn’t paid much attention to it, not entirely at least.

Now, standing there in the middle of what Tenzou had continuously teased and joked about, all the dowry business and Wind’s tradition, Iruka wished he had paid attention.

It had been hard to pay attention, when Tenzou is almost always gone from the village. Or when Tenzou spouts what had been nonsense during sex, when he kissed him or when Iruka had his mouth filled with cock and Tenzou is holding his mouth in place with fistfuls of his hair. Or when Iruka is falling asleep and Tenzou would murmur it against his shoulder, or just when Iruka is waking up and Tenzou is whispering a short goodbye because he’s being called for a mission.

It had been hard to focus.

It also almost seems that Tenzou had been prepping him in ways he knows Iruka would easily forget but maybe pay attention to.

It is _too_ strategic.

Iruka looks around now, at what Tenzou had been working on so hard to meet a deadline, and laughs and laughs until he finds himself on his knees and he’s suddenly crying, crying, crying. He cries like he has never before, the first time since the funeral.

Because Tenzou is never coming back.

And Tenzou will never get to see and know what it would feel like to have something truly for himself, for the first time.

—

Tradition breaks that night when Iruka enters the bar on a Thursday, the same night he discovers what in document, is his too. When he had spoken to the landlord after managing to pick himself up hours later, his suspicion has been confirmed. Tenzou had been serious all those times when he had talked about proposing and following some tradition from Wind that is long forgotten.

_I’m working on it,_ Tenzou had said.

And it hadn’t been a lie.

Iruka has his forehead against the bar counter that is cold and pleasant as opposed to the heat he feels after consuming half a bottle of alcohol. Iruka is trying to think of all those times Tenzou had talked about anything that may have hinted to what Iruka has just discovered. Anything about living together, all the jokes, all the playful banters, even the foreplay or pillow talk. Iruka is almost afraid at how he remembers so little, how he doesn’t remember exact words, just the expression Tenzou makes. Or how Tenzou sometimes looks at him when Iruka is marking his homework. How Tenzou’s arms had felt around his middle, or how Tenzou would tap his cheek whenever Iruka had looked like he was about to get upset.

The memories are but pockets of broken dialogue and fading images.

Iruka is slowly starting to forget.

Things are starting to become distant.

Iruka curses rather loudly and pours himself another drink.

“It’s not Tuesday, Iruka-sensei.” Kakashi says, sitting himself beside Iruka and looking at him with just a hint of amusement.

“Yup!” Iruka chirps and downs another shot glass of his drink. “Ding, ding, you get a prize~ What brings you here, Kakashi-san? Back from your mission already?”

“Hmm. Last night.” Kakashi gives a bit of shrug. “I was passing by and saw you through the glass. I got curious.”

Iruka snorts and makes a face. Kakashi’s random visits to the bar every now and then to join Iruka for a drink has become a norm so Iruka isn’t very surprised if Kakashi chooses to hang out with his drunken ass half the time. This is no different. Sometimes they talk, sometimes Iruka mumbles about his day, but most of the time they sit in silence simply nursing their drinks. Iruka never talks about Tenzou, not since the first time Kakashi had seen him drowning his sorrows in a bottle. And out of courtesy, Kakashi doesn’t ask either nor does he bring it up.

That evening however, is apparently different.

“I figured out the key.” Iruka says and doesn’t turn to see how Kakashi’s expressions goes still, like a pause button is hit and something in his normally devil-may-care lazy expression shifts. “I’m taking tomorrow and a few days after that off. Which will explain why I’m here, at the bar, past midnight, on a school night.”

“Hmmm.” Kakashi hums.

“It’s a little apartment he’s been working on. He always joked about proposing and dowries and some bullshit thing like that. Something from the old ways of the Wind Country. I dunno where he got it from but Tenzou always did watch the cheesiest of things and has a bit of a fanboy streak in him.” Iruka sniffs and chuckles and shaking his head. “If it were the other way around, if I was the who was dead, Tenzou wouldn’t be doing the things I’m doing, right?”

Kakashi doesn’t answer, but he looks away.

Because it’s the truth as much as it is a lie.

Iruka thinks Tenzou would have run himself ragged. He thinks if Tenzou had gone through grief the way Iruka still is, he would have stayed busy at least long enough to numb the feeling. But one thing would stay clear and untouched: Tenzou would continue to serve Konoha, with all his ability and continue to live for the dead, no matter how much it hurt or how it made the hole in his chest swell and remain void, never to be filled again. Iruka feels shame press on his shoulders.

“I’m a terrible person.” Iruka says and presses his forehead on the counter. “I’m not honouring Tenzou’s wishes at all. If he can see me now, he’d kick me into next week.” Iruka brings a hand up to his face, pushing away the tears  with a vicious swipe because he does not want them to fall anymore. “It’s okay isn’t it, to still mourn?”

“It’s not wrong to mourn, Iruka-sensei.” Kakashi says after a while.

Iruka looks at Kakashi then and tilts his head to one side. “Did you know how much he looked up to you? Did you have any idea of how much you meant to him? If there is anyone in the world who he could consider important, beyond the lines of duty and servitude, it would be you. Were you aware of that?” Iruka watches the frown settle between Kakashi’s brows and how he turns to look away, jaw tight. Iruka shakes his head and shrugs. “He was such a simple guy. He loved Konoha. And maybe he didn’t understand a lot of things and he had the short end of the stick right from the start but he was okay that.” Iruka starts to chuckle, which dissolves into bitter laughter. “My goodness, he was okay with that.”

Iruka is aware of how he’s babbling, how the words continue to spill out of his mouth like word vomit. How the grief finally settles and gives him a sharp kick to the head, almost as if it is Tenzou himself giving Iruka the said proverbial kick, as if telling him to get his head out of his ass and move on and live for the dead the way he is supposed to. Duty has always been important to Tenzou and Iruka knows while he hasn’t truly and fully honoured his duty to Tenzou’s death. He tells Kakashi of the apartment, of the gazebo, of how Tenzou had hinted here and there what his plans had been at the time, at how Tenzou is a terrible drunk, at how Tenzou actually has a black hole for a stomach because he is the only man Iruka knows who would get duped by Naruto into joining a ramen eating contest and eat more than Naruto himself. Iruka tells Kakashi, as he chugs down more alcohol, how Tenzou had been really working on wanting things for himself. At how, in his essence, Tenzou is a good man.

But Kakashi knows all this.

Iruka thinks Kakashi knows all this.

That maybe Kakashi understands how the hole that Tenzou has left behind right there, in Iruka’s heart, can never be filled.

And the grief crumbles over Iruka like ash and he brings a hand to his mouth and chokes. “I miss him, Kakashi-san. I miss him so, so much. Do you think he’d resent me for being like this?”

“No, Iruka-sensei.” Kakashi says, softly, quietly. “I think he’d understand.”

—

It happens mechanically.

Iruka restructures his schedule, taking up normal hours and no longer favouring the graveyard shifts. He cleans up his apartment, packs up all his belongings and moves to the apartment Tenzou had left behind and had no time to sort the formalities and official paperworks. Iruka sorts it all out. He forces himself into a straight time table, of punctual meals, punctual training and looks up healthier habits to cope.

Iruka reads all of Tenzou’s books, reads theories of architectural design and colour schemes and wood craftsmanship. He even attempts in building himself a small table just because he had time to spare.

He also gradually furnishes the apartment, fills it with things he remembers Tenzou had in his old apartment and what Iruka thinks Tenzou would have loved. He cares for the garden, and continues to plant newer things. Iruka starts to go out again, to attend birthdays and anniversaries and at some point, he hosts a housewarming party in his new apartment. He even agrees to Naruto’s coaxing to join that year’s annual Ichiraku ramen eating contest and curses for days when he ends up with diarrhoea. Eventually, he also adopts a cat, one that closely resembles the cat in Yume, Tenzou’s favourite show, and calls him Momo, a white fluffy cat with bright blue eyes. It had been the cat Tenzou had always joked about having after they get married, how it would get fat and lazy and give people he doesn’t like attitude and how it looked ridiculously bitchy. Iruka went as far into getting Momo a soft plush red cushion as a reminder of how Tenzou had made fun of their soon-to-be-housepet.

The difficulty eventually fades and Iruka finds himself realizing this one day, after Kakashi’s ascension as the Hokage, staring out at the newly carved face mountain, nursing a cup of hibiscus tea. The hole still remains in his chest, void and as black as the day Tenzou had taken a huge part of him when he had taken his last breath. But Iruka thinks, if he pretends hard enough, if he closes his eyes and just thinks of Tenzou, for just a brief moment, the hole momentarily feels not so empty. It doesn’t feel as empty when Iruka gently runs his fingers against Momo’s coat, or when he weeds the garden and waters the pots of lavender and hyacinth and the bed of hibiscus that Iruka has scucessfully grown. It is not as empty when Iruka lies on Tenzou’s side of the bed, where the white mask of Cat remains in a small box by the dresser serving like some sort of comfort and reminder.

It is not as empty when Iruka sits inside the apartment Tenzou had wanted him to live in.

Iruka has trained himself to not be resentful of what he cannot remember of Tenzou. But instead has learned to choose to remember the things that he can.

Like how Tenzou’s kisses had tasted of hibiscus tea.

Or how he had smelled of fresh spring and the faint scent of lavender. How his embraces, like his scent, had been calming, a silent reassurance.

It is months later that Iruka finds the courage to go visit the grave where he sets a bouquet of flowers he has picked from the garden by the carved marble. Iruka visits with something a little akin to confidence. It is his first visit since Tenzou’s funeral and sits himself on the grass to stare at his name for hours. Iruka closes his eyes and imagines that Tenzou is sitting next to him, imagines him looping an arm around his shoulder, like how he’s done countless of times in the past. And Iruka tells Tenzou then, quietly, softly, like a whisper dissolving in the wind of how he’s managed to grow tomatoes and hibisicus, and how he’s manage to successfully build a small greenhouse to hopefully start growing some roses. He tells Tenzou of how he’s a nominated candidate for the position as the Hokage’s assistant. He tells Tenzou how Naruto’s wedding is in the pipelines and that he and Hinata are working on their home, too.

But mostly, he tells Tenzou of how much he misses him.

And that he hopes Tenzou will forgive him for his time of weakness when Iruka had momentarily forgotten how to live for the dead.

—

Iruka does not realise he has dozed off at seven in the morning, right there in his seat and behind his table where he is surrounded by stacks and stacks of reports and budget balance sheets to work through. Since Kakashi has come to office and Iruka has taken the position of being his assistant, the amount of backlog that needs to be cleared almost seems endless. Iruka does not realize the time in his pursuit of trying to plough through the work volume if only because a lot of things are being affected in terms of standard operating procedures.

He doesn’t realize how he has dozed off against the palm of his hand, pen poised and marking on the sheet before him up until he hears his name, distant and vague and he opens it and thinks he’s dreaming.

Because Tenzou is standing before him, across the desk and tilting his head with a cocked eyebrow, as if to say, what are you doing? Go home, Iruka.

Iruka dreams of Tenzou and their memories together, but never quite like this.

Which is why it is like a whiplash and Iruka feels himself snapping backwards in shock, his chair rocking almost dangerously. It is poor behavior and reaction time, of a ninja gone severely soft as Iruka grabs the edge of the table and corrects the chair’s position once more.

Kakashi is staring at him with the most amused expression.

“Hokage-sama!” Iruka squawks and then proceeds to go mute from the shock of what just happened. Of what he has just seen mere seconds ago.

“And you get mad at me for napping on the job.” Kakashi mildly teases, adjusting the hat on his head.

It takes a moment for Iruka to ground himself, a moment to look around the office very closely before he closes his eyes and pushes the loose bangs off his forehead. He had taken his forehead protector off during the course of the night, the metal glinting right next to the faded calculator Iruka has been abusing the daylights out of. Iruka realises he was dreaming and also realises that he has spent the night in the office while obsessively working through numbers.

“I didn’t realise it’s morning already. And you’re early.” Iruka says, setting his pen down and carefully getting to his feet. “Is everything allright?”

“Go home, Iruka.” Kakashi waves, dismissing Iruka’s worry. “We’ll talk later.” Iruka feels the argument bubbling at the tip of his tongue and finds himself staring at Kakashi, at just what happened. They stare at each other for a while before Kakashi’s face starts to change, the amusement fading to something else. “Iruka?”

Iruka chuckles and shakes his head. “I just remembered, I need to feed Momo. If you don’t mind, Hokage-sama, I’ll return in the evening.”

Kakashi gives him a lazy wave, as if dismissing the ‘minor’ details all together.

Iruka is in the streets in minutes, walking home just as the rest of Konoha’s establishments starts to open for the day and merchants fill the busy streets of Tea Avenue. He doesn’t head home though and instead finds himself heading straight for the graveyard where Iruka slowly lowers himself to the grass and stares at Tenzou’s name. He hasn’t visited as frequent as he would have since resigning from the Academy. Being the Hokage’s assistant is not as easy as being an Academy instructor.

 

Iruka knows Tenzou would understand.

But Iruka knows he will come more frequent, no matter how late after what seems to have been a sighting of a ghost.

Or a memory that needs reminding.

“You’re right.” Iruka says quietly after a moment and then starts to chuckle and much like how Tenzou used to in the past, when his tongue has been loosened by alcohol, Iruka too starts to tell him about how ridiculous Kakashi is.

Talking like this, even if it is to the dead, Iruka feels the hole in his chest is momentarily filled.

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done. And done. 
> 
> Sequel maybe. Maybe not. We'll see like 100 years from now.

**Author's Note:**

> No, I’m not going through a breakup just because I keep posting depressing shit. This is actually an old piece that I tweaked so I can share. I remember how it was supposed to go. It shouldn’t take long but well, I guess I like exploring different aspects of loss and circumstances with Iruka.
> 
> Mrhhhhh.
> 
> It won't be long. I hope. Possibly KakaIru in the future, I am unsure. I am still trying to figure how this will go or how Iruka will continue, so to speak.


End file.
